The Four Seasons Read online

  “It’s been a long trip, hasn’t it,” the old woman beside her said in a sympathetic voice. She’d introduced herself as Netta. She was doll-like and positively ancient with waxy skin rouged in small circles over her cheekbones. Her eyes, however, were an animated blue that rivaled the sky Jilly had left in Paris.

  Jilly could only nod, thinking how it would take longer than the endless eight-hour flight to explain to this woman the journey she’d traveled since she’d received the telephone call from Rose. Hell, just since her last smoke. Until the last boarding call she’d stood in the bar, puffing like a locomotive, storing up nicotine in her cells for the long trip like a camel would water. She’d been in agony anticipating her return to the old Victorian loaded with memories as ancient and musty as the velvet curtains and bric-a-brac. You can’t go home again, the old adage said. She wished it were true. For twenty-six years, she’d tried not to. But here she was, on a Boeing 747, doing just that. Everything she owned was squeezed into two large Louis Vuitton bags and stored in the belly of this plane. She’d had to borrow the money from a friend to purchase the ticket to Chicago—one-way coach.

  “Are you all right?” the old woman asked kindly.

  Jillian turned her head. She saw genuine concern in the bright blue eyes, not curiosity or annoyance at her fidgety behavior.

  “I’m just tired,” she replied, taking her glass of Scotch in hand. “Thanks.”

  “Is it your job? I read about stress on working women all the time.”

  A short laugh escaped as Jilly shook her head. “No, not the job. Unfortunately.”

  “What do you do, if you don’t mind my asking?”

  “I’m a model.” She shrugged lightly. “And I was in a few foreign films.”

  The woman’s eyes crinkled with pleasure. “I thought so. You’re very beautiful.”

  The compliment washed warmly over Jilly and she smiled for the first time that day. “Not so ‘very’ anymore. I’m…retired.”

  Her smile fell as she heard again the comments of the agencies. You are still a beautiful woman, but…You’re over forty. You know how it is…. Look at them, they are nineteen! So young!

  She couldn’t blame them. Age was an occupational hazard of the beauty business.

  “I’m too old,” Jillian said, finding it easy to confess to a stranger.

  The elderly woman laughed lightly and shook her head. “How amusing. I was just thinking how I wished I was as young as you!” She reached out to pat Jilly’s hand. “You see how Einstein was right, my dear. Everything is relative.”

  “By that you mean the grass is always greener, I suppose.” She didn’t want to add that she didn’t find that the least bit comforting.

  “No,” the woman replied. “Actually I was referring literally to the theory of relativity. How different observers can describe the same event differently. From my position in the universe, my dear, you are young. And vibrant and beautiful. From your position, let’s see…” She raised a crooked finger with a tiny, yellowed nail and pointed.

  “I suppose you see that child over there as young and beautiful, am I right?”

  Across the aisle sat a twenty-some-year-old woman in jeans and a clinging shirt, devoid of makeup, with dewy skin and the firm muscle tone Jilly had lost long ago. Mouth pulling in a wry smile, Jilly nodded.

  “You see? It’s all relative. Why do you think older women like to stick together? Because we see one another as beautiful and vibrant. I guess you could say we’re traveling at the same speed.” She laughed softly again, then added wistfully, “I wish someone had explained Einstein’s theory of relativity to me when I was young. It would have taught me to be more accepting, and probably more compassionate, to others’ points of view. That would have prevented a few troubles in the past, I can assure you. Take my word and remember this—how you see the world may not agree with how others see it. But you have to accept that their observations are valid. So,” she said with a light tap of her nimble fingers on Jilly’s hand, “you are young and beautiful, my dear, and nothing you say will convince me otherwise.”

  Jilly smiled, conceding the point. “For me, relative means my sisters. And let me tell you, do we ever see the world from different positions.”

  “Ah, you’re going to see your sisters?”

  Jilly nodded. “Yes. Well, two of them. My third sister just passed away. It’s her funeral that brings me home.”

  “Your older sister?”

  “The youngest. She was the baby, just thirty-two when she died. She had bad lungs and they gave out.”

  “Oh, that is sad. Death is always so, but an early death is more tragic. You have my sympathy. Funerals can be very emotional, you know. Use this time to gather your strength.” With another gentle pat, the older woman turned her attention back to her book.

  Jilly shifted in her seat. As she watched the amber-colored fluid swirl around little chunks of ice, her mind stumbled over thoughts of Merry. Dear little Merry, gone. She swallowed the Scotch and relished the smooth burn. It was strange to think of her thirty-two-year-old sister as little, but that’s how she always thought of Merry. Poor, poor Merry…Whenever Jilly looked into those sparkling, childlike eyes, she felt a stab of guilt in her abdomen so painful it drove her an ocean away.

  Yet here she was, crossing that same ocean again. It was poetic justice that she was stuck in a holding pattern over O’Hare, she thought, twirling the ice, since her mind was going round and round the same old stories, the same old issues. Thirty years of circling…

  Her thoughts were interrupted by the voice of the captain.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, good news. The runway at O’Hare has been cleared and we’ve been given permission to land. Thank you for your patience. Please return to your seats and fasten your seat belts. Stewards, prepare for landing.”

  The sigh of relief was audible in the plane. Taking a deep breath, Jilly pulled her large Prada bag from under the seat and reached for her makeup. Polishing her face was second nature to her. It was an armor against an unfriendly world. In her compact mirror she saw the familiar green eyes staring back at her. They were once described as bedroom eyes, but now they were simply tired and hardened by experience. She dabbed at the mascara smudges under her eyes and smoothed blush onto her cheeks. Though still creamy and smooth, her skin was far from dewy. She stared at her face a moment longer, hating it.

  Her move to Europe may have lessened the emotional intensity with distance, but it was never the cure. Each mile closer, each moment nearer to landing, she could feel the turbulence of her emotions rise closer to the surface.

  After thirty years, Jillian Season was coming home to stay.

  2

  A HELLO BURST FROM ROSE’S LIPS as she swung the door wide to see Birdie, her nose red and her head tucked into her coat collar like a turtle.

  “Come in! Come in, at last!” Rose cried out, feeling a heady joy and hugging Birdie tightly, relishing the feel of her sister’s arms around her, padded as they were by her thick coat. Birdie dwarfed Rose as she engulfed her in a long, firm embrace. Instantly they were ageless, bound by a shared childhood and years of history.

  “Mother, I’m freezing!” cried Hannah.

  The sisters laughed and stepped aside as the wind gusted, sending a spray of icy crystals in their faces. Rose shivered but held the door for Hannah, then waited for Dennis as he huffed and puffed up the stairs with the suitcases. Rose thought their faces were travel-weary as they filed past and she sensed a tension between them, as though they’d been arguing. She notched up her cheeriness, closing the heavy oak door behind them against the cold. They stomped the snow from their boots and slipped out of their coats and gloves, all the while delivering bullets of reports on the journey. Boy-oh-boy what a trip…back-to-back traffic…one accident after another…slippery…damn tollbooth backed up for miles.

  Rose led them into the living room, where soft halos of yellow light from the lamps created a welcoming warmth and the scent of
her roast beef and garlic permeated the wintry air. Vivaldi’s Four Seasons played softly in the background—a family favorite.

  On the table cheese, crackers and crudités, looking a bit tired after the long wait, awaited on silver trays. She was proud of her efforts to make the house comfortable, pleased to see the tension ease from their faces and color suffuse their cheeks.

  “So many flowers!” Birdie exclaimed, eyes wide as she walked from table to table admiring the arrangements and pausing to read the cards.

  “More come every day. Merry’s doctors, the neighbors, old friends of Mom and Dad’s, they all sent something. I didn’t know so many people cared about her. She didn’t see people much, but she obviously made an impression. I only wish she were here to enjoy them,” Rose added wistfully.

  “Aunt Merry loved flowers,” Hannah ventured solemnly.

  Rose nodded, noting the sullen expression on her niece’s face.

  Birdie’s face was passive as she walked around the large living room, taking in the familiar twelve-foot ceilings, turrets, molding, quaint panes of glass and gorgeous woodwork. It was a shame, she thought, how far from grace this room had fallen. Growing up, the room had been a showcase of the craftsmanship of an age past. Now it was a gloomy house, muted, shuttered, even shabby. It was far too big a house—too expensive—for Rose and Merry to have lived in alone. It all but bled Merry’s trust fund dry. Several times she’d suggested that they sell it and move into a small, more manageable house. But that was unthinkable to Rose. She’d claimed Merry would be too upset to move and argued, rightfully, that private hospitals or homes would be as expensive, if not more. In truth, she knew the prospect of leaving the family home filled Rose with as much horror as it did Merry.

  And Rose deserved every consideration. She certainly took her duty as caretaker to heart. The house, though falling down around their ears, was spotlessly clean. The brass fixtures gleamed, the wood was polished and smelled of soap, and all the beveled glass on the cabinets and the grand crystal chandelier sparkled. Yet with her mind on putting the house on the market, Birdie was looking at it with a cold and practical eye. They’d certainly have a lot of work to do before selling it.

  “Would you like a glass of wine?” Rose asked, eager to make them comfortable. “Water? You all must be parched. Hannah, how about a Coke? Dennis?”

  “A beer would be great if you’ve got it,” he replied, rubbing his hands.

  “Nothing for me. I’m going upstairs,” Hannah called out, retreating as usual. “Where am I sleeping, Aunt Rose?”

  “I put your parents in the guest room, so you can either sleep on the sofa bed in the library or in Merry’s room.”

  “I’ll take the sofa bed.”

  “I thought you might. You’ll find linen and blankets all ready for you.”

  “You put me in the guest room?” Birdie asked, her brows raised in obvious pique.

  Rose’s toes curled, but she nodded firmly and looked Birdie in the eyes. “Yes. I put Jilly in her old room.” Then to Dennis, “I’ll get your beer.”

  Birdie’s lips pursed in annoyance, but she didn’t reply. She tucked her hands in her slacks’ pockets and followed Rose into the kitchen. It was an immense room, old-fashioned, with the same white cabinets and appliances that were there when their mother cooked in the room. Only in the pantry did a large new refrigerator hum. Rose headed straight for it.

  “Have you heard from Jilly yet?” Birdie asked.

  “No. It’s a good thing you didn’t go to the airport,” Rose replied, pulling ice from the freezer. “You were right, as usual. The news reported delays galore and they might even shut down the airport.”

  “I hadn’t heard that. But I’m not surprised. It’s really getting nasty out there.”

  “I know and I’m worried. I’ve called the airline a million times but they can’t tell me anything other than that her flight is in a holding pattern. They think it will be allowed to land, which is a relief.” She yanked the cork from the bottle of cabernet she’d chosen while Birdie hunted in the cabinet for a few glasses. “We’re lucky. I gather other flights are being redirected. That would’ve been a disaster. She’d be late for the funeral.”

  “Jilly does love to make an exciting entrance….”

  Rose filled a glass with wine while her lips curved in a teasing smile. “That’s not fair.”

  “I know, I know. I didn’t mean it.” Birdie took a long swallow of her wine. Over the glass her eyes glistened with humor. “Much. Can’t you just imagine her in that plane? She must be beside herself. You know how she hates being trapped. Remember how she was on a Chicago bus in rush hour?”

  Rose shared her first laugh in days, remembering. Jilly would leap to her feet, yank the buzzer and demand to be let off the bus. Then she’d march off in a huff, her flame-red hair like ribbons of fire fluttering behind. Birdie and Rose would track her through the bus window till a break came in traffic, then they’d point and laugh at her as they sped past her. But she never looked their way. She kept her glance stubbornly straight ahead.

  “Pity the poor stewardess,” Birdie said, rolling her eyes. “But I have to admit, circling up there in a confined space for hours is hell. She’ll be exhausted and cranky when she gets here. I shouldn’t be talking. It was a real push getting out of town by car and I was a total bitch, I admit it. I thought I’d kill my daughter before we arrived here.” She swirled the wine in her glass. “Be forewarned. Hannah is in one of her moods.”

  “Poor baby,” replied Rose with sympathy. “She looks unhappy.”

  “She is,” she replied, then added flippantly, “perpetually.”

  “Is she okay?”

  “Oh, yes, she’s fine.” Birdie cut off further inquiry. She didn’t like anyone to think there was any problem with her family.

  “This is probably the first death she’s really experiencing. She was so young when Mom died.”

  “That’s true. She’s seemed so remote, but I hadn’t thought of it that way.” She rubbed her temple and said in a low voice, “To be honest, I can’t accept it, either. It’s so hard. I keep going over it in my mind, how quickly she went downhill. If only I could have been here…”

  “No, Birdie,” Rose said firmly. “Don’t go there. It isn’t healthy. Her doctor was here with her. Really, there was nothing you could have done.”

  “You don’t know that!”

  Rose grabbed her hand to still it and looked directly into her sister’s eyes. “I know what you’re thinking,” she said in her quiet voice that could be surprisingly firm. “That you could have saved her.”

  Rose had nailed it. Birdie squirmed in discomfort and tried to snatch back her hand, but Rose held on tight.

  “You couldn’t have done anything to save her, Birdie. Not this time.”

  Birdie stared into her hazel eyes, blazing with intent, until the message slowly, reluctantly sunk in. When she indicated her understanding, if not acceptance, with a nod, Rose released her hand then smiled faintly and looked away, a little embarrassed about the intense exchange. Birdie took a long, deep breath and said in a robust manner, “So now we’re planning her funeral.”

  “Yes.”

  “Yes.” Birdie paused. “I’m sorry you got dumped with checking all the funeral details. I tried to get here early today but the traffic was unbelievable and…”

  “Don’t be silly. I needed something to do.”

  “I have to tell you, I’m concerned about the luncheon at Alfredo’s. I telephoned them before I left Milwaukee just to check on our reservation and see if there was anything else that needed taking care of. The idiot girl I spoke to said we didn’t have one! Can you believe that? I didn’t have time to talk to the manager, but I told her to look into it and I’d follow up when I got here. She probably just got something mixed up in her book but I worried the whole way down. Do you have the number handy? I’ll give them a quick call. If they’ve screwed up…”

  “Birdie,” Rose said hesitatin
gly. She plucked at the loose threads of the oven mitt, then took a deep breath. She hadn’t meant to get into this before Birdie had a chance to relax, maybe had a second glass of wine. “They didn’t screw up. I…I never made the reservation.”

  Birdie’s eyes widened with disbelief. “What?”

  “Don’t worry, I’ve taken care of everything,” Rose rushed to say.

  “What do you mean you didn’t make the reservation? Why? We discussed this in detail. My God, Rose, what were you thinking? Did you forget? Why didn’t you tell me? Damn, I don’t know if we can reserve a room for tomorrow on such short notice.” Her voice was high and she placed her hand to her forehead as she paced across the linoleum.

  “I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d react like this. You’d drive in from Milwaukee and take over like you always do.” At the surprise on Birdie’s face she softened her tone. “I wanted to do something special for Merry. For all of us—you, Jilly and me. We hardly know one another anymore, Birdie. We need to remember Merry and the good times we had together. I didn’t think we could do that in a restaurant.”

  Birdie spread out her palms in a futile gesture. “We can spend all the time we want together, just the three of us. Here at home. But we still could have had the funeral lunch at a restaurant. Oh, Rose, what have you done? It would have been so much easier.”

  “For whom?” she replied sharply, nettled by the allknowing tone in Birdie’s voice. “I want to do this. And it’s really not so difficult. I’ve planned for a light lunch here in this wonderful home where we all grew up. It’s much more personal, and with all the flowers already here, it will be beautiful. It just didn’t seem right to have the funeral lunch for Merry at a restaurant that she’d never even been to.”

  “Oh, come on, Rose, this has nothing to do with Merry,” Birdie fired out. “You’re the one who wants it here. It’s you who can’t stand the idea of leaving the house.”

  Rose sucked in her breath, stung by the truth in the comment. She clasped her hands tightly in front of her. “That’s only partly true,” she replied, looking away. “Just because I don’t like leaving the house doesn’t mean I can’t. I truly believe Merry would want it here, too.” Rose raised her eyes and held her sister’s gaze. “And I know—better than you or anyone else—what Merry would want.”